This article was written by Anna. She has been working at a Kherson office of Unona for about 2 years.
Meeting your Ukrainian girlfriend’s parents for the first time is an important step in a relationship. It might sound a little intimidating, but I believe it will become one of the most treasured memories of your future family.
In all cultures parents are protective of their daughters. They want to feel comfortable with the idea of you as a boyfriend, as possibly the future man in her life. Particularly if you want their daughter to move to your country, her parents will want to be sure there is a strong shoulder to support her and to take care of her. It is also essential for you to get to know the family to understand your Ukrainian bride better and to show her parents that you are good enough for their daughter. Also, an amicable and strong inter-family relationship will make your union even closer. Who knows, may be you will become good friends with her dad and the pride of her mom.
I would like to suggest you several pieces of advice so that your girlfriend’s mom will be gushing about you to all her friends.
· Make a great first impression. It’s cliché, but it is truth. You never have a second chance to make a first impression. When introduce yourself, give the father a nice firm handshake and give the mother a nice, gentle handshake or a hug. Be sure to make eye contact and try to smile with your eyes. Remember that this is an emotional moment for your “Ukrainian parents” as well. This meeting is important for them too, so an open mind and a positive outlook are your best friends for this evening.
“Natasha and I arrived from the airport three hours later than expected.... which didn't bode well for meeting her Dad. His first comment to me upon arrival.... I am not making this up.... not even 5 minutes in the house.... "Have you confirmed your flight home yet?" Ouch.” Austin, Norway, 34 y.o.
· Do you agree that nothing telegraphs better about your personality than your clothes? Besides your face, of course, that is the first thing your girlfriend’s parents are going to be taking in when they open the door. Even if you’re just having a casual dinner at their house, look presentable and elegant. It is hard to go wrong with khakis and a nice polo shirt. But ask your girlfriend for advice to make sure that you are not overdressed or underdressed in comparison with the hosts.
· Traditionally a guest brings a bouquet of flowers to the hostess. So present her mom with a classy bouquet of nice flowers to win her heart. The flowers would better be not exotic, but the ones in season. If there are more ladies in the household (grandmother, sister, etc.) smaller personal bouquets would impress everybody.
· Another traditional gift in Ukraine as well as in other countries is a bottle of wine. If you could bring a bottle of your local wine, it would look very thoughtful Remember that wine is Ukraine is usually vastly sweeter than what you are used to, so mentally prepare yourself for this. A bottle of a stronger drink (like scotch, whisky, etc.) would be really appreciated by her dad. And no, you do not have to drink all of it.
· When I first met Lena’s father, he brought two bottles of Prezovka (pepper vodka). I thought, oh no, is this going to be some kind of test? It turns out that he was just trying to be kind and that it was a tradition to bring a bottle of something as a gift. The big moment was when I met my future son, who was only 7 at the time. I had been very worried about how he would feel to share her with another man whom he didn’t know, but it turns out that he had been looking forward to meeting me and to having a father. Lena said that for the next few weeks it was as if he was in love.
When I first met Lena’s father, he brought two bottles of Prezovka (pepper vodka). I thought, oh no, is this going to be some kind of test? It turns out that he was just trying to be kind and that it was a tradition to bring a bottle of something as a gift. The occasion was too important and one bottle just would not do itJ The funniest thing is that both of us usually drink only a little.
The big moment was when I met my future son, who was only 7 at the time. I had been very worried about how he would feel to share her with another man whom he didn’t know, but it turns out that he had been looking forward to meeting me and to having a father. Lena said that for the next few weeks it was as if he was in love.
· Be open. It would be a great idea if you could show photos of your family, your house, and your home city to the parents of your Ukrainian bride. If you could make a short video of your city, your future in-laws would really appreciate that. If your lady has a child, a short video of a local school, playground etc. would make your life look realistic and would help to eliminate any possible fears the parents might have. And again – by being so prepared and thoughtful you will assert yourself as a trustworthy and reliable person.
· Show your interest. One of the best ways to be charming is to act genuinely interested in other people. People like others who seem interested in their lives, and they love to talk about themselves. If you ask, the parents will love to show you baby pictures of their daughter and their family album, bringing back precious memories of their daughter being still a baby will help the parents to open up and overcome possible shyness.
· I trust that correspondence at
www.unona.net has helped you to know enough about the family of your girlfriend to feel very well prepared for a family gathering. To break through the language and cultural barrier I recommend you to ask an interpreter to help. Interpreters of Unona Online Dating Agency are experienced not just in interpreting, but are also trained an experienced in helping you to break the ice. With the interpreter you will be easily engaged into conversation. Do not afraid to ask your girlfriend’s parents questions and listen attentively when they talk to you. And follow the basic rules of polite conversation: avoid controversial topics, give compliments, don’t interrupt, etc.
· You might find that the parents’ apartment or house is smaller than apartments in North America, as well as many European homes. The style of furnishing would be different too. Ukrainian dishes, although European, might surprise you. Remember that a hostess wants to impress you with authentic Ukrainian cooking. If they cook for you, always compliment dishes, but if something is not to your taste, you do not have to eat or drink everything.
· The most important compliment would be about your girlfriend. Say something nice about your Ukrainian bride to the parents. They raised her, so you are really complimenting them at the same time.
· Although humor does not always translate well, your jokes and open smiles will help everybody to relax.
· Make sure to make photos of the first meeting and ask an interpreter to make pictures of all of you together. Besides having precious family memories, you will also need them at the Embassy for the Visa process.
· Be a good houseguest. If you are spending the night in her parents’ house, be sure to follow the rules of being a polite houseguest. Are you prepared to sleep in separate rooms? I hope so:)… Even if you and your girlfriend currently live together, if her parents want you to sleep in separate rooms, then do so without complaint or comments. You are in their house and they would be pleased if you follow their rules.
“We went to visit Elena's grandmother, her father's mother who stayed in Kharkov for a lunch. These types of lunches are planned and prepared days in advance. To enjoy those lunches to the full you will also need some time: usually Ukrainians spend 2-3 hours at the table while eating, drinking and talking. According to Ukrainian tradition and beliefs, somebody would announce the necessary toasts to welcome me. No toast was made without a reason, and after the toast everybody should empty his or her glass. If you did not empty your glass, you showed your neglect and disrespect to the reason for the toast. I am a social drinker and I very seldom drink, but this was a gathering for celebration and joy and most certainly not a venue to inform the people that I was a very moderate drinker. So I was drinking like everybody else. Elena did not drink at all because she was driving, and I had to follow what the rest of family members were doing….” James, USA, 47 y.o.
· Not “Farewell”…better “Good-Bye!!”. How you leave your girlfriend parents’ house is just as important as how you enter. Leave them thinking happy thoughts about you.
When you are leaving, thank your girlfriend’s parents for your visit. Tell them what a pleasure it was to meet them. Shake hands again. If mom goes in for the hug, give her a good one.
I really hope that first meeting with parents will be a memorable experience for you.
And remember, to understand parents' love you must raise children yourself.
Love and be loved.