This article was written by Anna. She has been working at a Kherson office of Unona for about 2 years.
After long correspondence, telephone calls or chatting, and you feel that you have found your other half and you rush to the other side of the world to meet her. You have discussed all the arrangements, she meets you at the airport or you are going to a date to a nice restaurant. Suddenly you realize that The Princess is not a Princess, not the woman of your dreams. What is it? Is it Lack of chemistry or have you became a victim of Professional Dating?
As you know, one of the Unona departments deals with
flowers and gifts delivery in Ukraine. We get many orders from clients who are not Unona.net members and unfortunately at least once a month we get a case when a gentleman cannot provide a lady’s contact telephone number and can inform us only of her address. When a florist arrives for a delivery he finds out that there is no girl at this address. Either she was never serious about the gentleman or she is a professional dater, who just used the man’s best intentions, it does not really matter to a man who has opened his heart to her: having been burnt once he might not be willing to date online ever again.
Although online dating is booming all over the world, in Ukraine it is suffering. The global recession is an obvious reason for this, but I think that professional daters have also created a lack of trust. Just a few years ago we celebrated 10+ weddings of our members every year, now we can boast only about a few for all of 2010.
We have regular meetings of our staff and very often we discuss how we could attract new ladies to our online dating agency to keep this business running. Unfortunately when competitor agencies employ professional daters who get paid “commissions” for every service a gentleman uses, they also make ladies sign a contract stating that the ladies would be paid only if they are not registered with any other agency. Since at Unona Dating we have never paid the ladies and never will pay any commissions, we cannot attract new ladies and we lose existing members.
For such businesses, logic is simple:
- If a lady gets paid for every service a gentleman uses, she is willing to communicate with as many gentleman as possible without actual serious intentions of relationship or marriage
- Then gentlemen, being lured with passionate messages when they arrive to Ukraine, are doomed to find out that this relationship does not work because of lack of chemistry or …professional dating?
Professional Dating automatically increases the risk of finding a person who will take you seriously. It is not all right to scam men from abroad, motivating that life in Ukraine is difficult. Life is difficult everywhere, every decent lady understands this. Nevertheless, there is a black sheep in every flock. The purpose of any scam is the same - to trick you into giving away your money. Many compassionate people can be tricked into spending thousands of dollars for various matchmaking services, only to realize later that they have been tricked.
I want to suggest some very simple tips on how to avoid Professional Dating or at least to treat suspicious behavior as a red flag:
- If you correspond with a lady via a dating agency, check their customer support. Very often an agency does not even publish their address, and this is the first warning sign. Every legitimate agency in Ukraine has a storefront office, is officially registered, and pays taxes.
- It is always safer to deal with an agency which is officially registered abroad and complies with International anti-scam policies, and is not only registered in Ukraine. If anything wrong happens with you at a local agency, nobody will help you. Ukrainian police are not interested in cases of fraud and would not spend any time on your complaints.
- Find out right away how you could get a lady’s direct contact information. Remember that many professional daters sign a contract that they would not give a gentleman their contact information until he comes in person and pays the agency’s fee. Guess what are the chances after spending months on correspondence with a professional dater to come to Ukraine, pay a fee and find out that a lady is actually interested in you? You might choose to use agency’s service to ensure quality communication, but be sure that you have alternative channels to contact a lady.
- When you have obtained a lady’s contact information ( e.g. at Unona dating you could either request a lady’s contact info for a small fee or ask her for contact info in a Live chat and get it for free), double check the info. I know it does not sound polite, but better be safe than sorry. You could either order a gift delivery to the lady’s home address (you need to provide a contact telephone number) or you could hire a local detective to confirm a lady’s address and telephone number.
- Talk to the lady in person via Live Chats or conference calls regularly. For some people it is not easy to communicate live, but you do need to see her and read her body language to understand whether your interest is mutual.
- If a lady’s English is not good enough, you might want to use an interpreter for your live chats and conference calls first. But do so only with understanding that your aim is to communicate directly and motivate the lady to study English and practice it with you. Believe me, those ladies who are serious about finding a husband from abroad do not need much motivation and will study the language by themselves.
- And last but not least: Never ever send money to a girl you have never met. If she asks for money, she is probably either insincere in her intentions or not the person on the photographs but instead a cold-hearted scammer who is simultaneously communicating with multiple men for money.
Try not to get too attached to someone until you've confirmed her identity, preferably meet in person. The infatuation mechanism is well understood and exploited by scammers. They know that an infatuated man would believe what he wishes to be true, and that he is likely to send money when told
a sob story and asked repeatedly. Don't be gullible and don't be eager to give gifts or to help pay for "my last semester of tuition," "my mother's urgent operation," a "bribe to get my innocent brother out of jail," etc.
Dear gentlemen, you vote with your hard earned money either for a growing army of professional daters or for finding your true happiness. Be smart and stay safe, but don’t be blinded by negativity or you could miss a potentially great relationship. Despite possible errors, many foreign men successfully find Ukrainian wives and are very happy with their choices, contributing to the largely positive image that Ukrainian women enjoy worldwide and making our girls happy wives.
Happy dating!