Dear friends,
A few weeks ago I came back from Ukraine after visiting Unona offices. Each time I go, I make a point of meeting Unona ladies personally and talk to people from all walks of life to get a better feeling of the changes which happened to Ukraine since my last visit. The world crisis shook Ukraine badly but the country appears already to be on a strong path to recovery. Just several months ago some billboards were gloomily looking without any ads, now the country looks busy and bright.
Of course I also spoke with our local managers about the changes in International dating and how they have influenced us. Ukraine, whose population used to be 52 million in 1993, in 2009 has a population of only 46 million people. In recent years a new policy of our government has been to do its best to stop the decline of population – they focused on increasing patriotism among the people and motivating the birth of more children. International dating, which has been ignored by mass media in the last decade, now has a new unexpected official attitude.
For example: I read an interesting article in one of my favorite women’s magazines, which quite frankly shocked me. It is written by a mother of a girl who got married to an American man, left for US and has not contacted her parents for several months. A concerned mother opens this article as a warning to other parents of Ukrainian girls who currently date or consider dating foreign men.
The mother tells a story of a smart young daughter who was very excited to meet an American gentleman on the Internet. When the gentleman came to visit the girl in Kiev they noticed several contradictions to what he told about himself in the correspondence – although he wrote that he jogs 6 kms every day, he looked overweight and had a problem with walking up the stairs. His vision of marrying the girl and creating a family right away with many children and her living as a stay at home mom in a tiny town of USA after living all her life in a vibrant Kiev didn’t sound right neither to the girl nor to the parents. The girl tried to break up with the guy, but then they managed to patch things up and she went to USA on a fiancée visa. The parents have not heard from her ever since.
As I have a lot of experience in our industry, I can see some suspicious things in this story, but I also know that Ukrainians, especially the older generation, know little about real life in North America. And the lack of information always brings fear and a lack of trust. Communication and understanding is vitally important for International couples not \only in the first stages of dating, but even more so during Fiancée visa processing and common life together as a family.
Here is what you could do to make your Lady to feel confident and safe with you:
- Take time to really think about yourself and create a profile that tells about Unique You.
- Place more pictures of yourself showing different aspects of your life – you with your family, you in your house, you at work, you at the gym, you at your favorite place in the city etc.
- Place videos of yourself – you could make them easily even with your digital camera. New videos always get published on the home page of the ladies. Besides additional exposure you also let the girls listen to the sound of your voice, see your smile. Publishing videos is free. You can publish up to 3 videos, then delete them and publish new ones.
- If you are concerned about your privacy, mark your photos and videos as “private”, then only your friends (the ladies you picked to be your friends) could open and view your private videos and photos.
- Even if you want to make things look nicer than they really are (we all do), avoid giving false information about your age, height weight, education, children etc. We did have few cases like this and they all ended the same – when gentlemen come, the truth comes out. I would also add here that if you have serious medical conditions, there is no need to tell about them in your profile. But if you are getting into a serious relationship, your lady deservers to know about it before she commits to it too.
- Talk to her (call, email, text, chat etc.). If your relationship is long distance, you want to stay in touch as often as possible. Live communication is the best as you both get used to each other’s way of speaking, learn to understand each other, trust enough to ask questions and hear the answers.
- When you come to visit your lady, always plan time to meet her family. Make sure the parents understand what you say and if you could bring photos or videos of your family to show to the parents, which would be great. If it is not your first visit, you could ask your children or parents to video record letters for your fiancée and her family too. Besides warm family memories it will help your families bond, which is very important in Ukrainian culture. Mothers are always concerned about their children. Give them a chance to get to know you and to trust you.
- Spending time with her friends is useful and fun. You learn so much more about your beloved girl from people whom she has spent most of her life with. You also have a chance to enjoy Ukrainian hospitality and Ukrainian humor. My husband still warmly remembers parties with our Ukrainian friends where I had to translate literally every word of every joke.
- Ladies are different. Some of them do expect to go out every day, expensive shoes etc.; whereas some of them work two jobs to support their families – you will see the difference by yourself. If you do not feel comfortable to do extraordinary shopping, do not be shy to say that. If the girl does not like it, she might not be your girl. It only means that Your Girl is still waiting for you. If your relationship is serious and you are ready to propose, you could outline her your financial situation – mortgage, savings etc. She needs to know that you are capable of supporting her during the transition period in your country. If you need an interpreter for 1 hour to explain these important things, by all means do so. I see the side of the girls who have accepted the proposal, or even got married and have lived for some time in North America and who are still in awe as they have no idea of the financial future of the families.
Matters of trust are very important in every relationship, but for an International relationship they are crucial. And if you could share your stories or give some advice to the gentlemen and ladies who also read English Blog, we always appreciate that.
Sincerely,
Elena Volkova
Unona Dating customer support